Elon Musk Warns of Layoffs During US Merger With Russia

Washington, DC – This morning, President Musk explained layoffs as a natural part of any merger. He even went as far to say the bigger the merger, the bigger the layoffs necessary to please the board of directors.

“When merging multiple organizations, it becomes important to avoid inefficiencies that may benefit the employees,” said Elon. “For example, did you know America pays back social security to the elderly? Such waste! And don’t even get me started on the USAID, congressmen, or the judicial branch.”

Many Americans have been nervous of the layoffs, even as Musk soothed worries claiming America will become much more efficient after the financial crash certain to come from the Republican budget plan. White House resident Donald Trump spoke in support of the president’s plan.

“With two companies merging we expect many redundancies,” said Trump. “Do we really need both the FBI and KGB? Putin was so helpful he asked me to provide a list of all FBI operatives that he could whittle down for me. He is so effective at saving us money he said no one would dare ask for severance pay. Can you imagine that America?”

To get a counterpoint on this magnanimous event we spoke to Democratic house speaker Hakeem Jefferies. Unfortunately, he droned on about the government not being a corporation, caring about workers, and hoping America has learned a lesson. We decided the reader does not need to hear their side.