Trump Assures Republicans He Has the Best Embezzlers Money Can Buy

Palm Beach, FL – As the RNC succumbs to a total Trump take over many traditional Republicans have worried about what it means for the Republican fundraising organization. Voter outreach programs have been sacked and longtime employees purged while Donald Trump has brought in his hand-picked children, paralegals, and caddies into key positions of power. Trump was quick to assure critics not to worry as he has the best embezzlers in the country on the job.

“You know what is great about having the best embezzlement team in the country?” said Trump. “You do not even have to pay them. You just let them have the books and the job is done for you. Cheapest accounting in the world. The RNC can benefit from good embezzlers like Joey the Knife Colombo. I let Joey handle my charity for kids with cancer and under him it ran so efficiently that we never paid a dime to children with cancer. That is the kind of accounting I can bring to the United States of America.”

Trump’s assurances appear to be a success as no one currently in the Republican Party objects to it, or anything else Trump does. Even Mitch McConnell, who frequently whispers dissent below his breath gave it praise.

“No one knows money like Donald Trump. It is this kind of savvy that makes the Republican Party the party of fiscal responsibility.”

Republican activists alike have seen benefits to this type of management. We spoke to Kevin Barron who had this to say.

“I was really worried that if I donated to Trump the money might end up in the hand of Jean Carroll, since he owes her 92 million dollars. Then I learned his bond was paid by a Russian oligarch and I thought wow, this man can handle money, so I donated.”