Trump Pulls Power Move of Falling Asleep During His Own Convention. Press in Awe.

Milwaukee, WI – Day one of the RNC convection kicked off with Donald Trump’s first public appearance since the assassination attempt this weekend. Although Donald Trump is often known for his bluster, no one was expecting the depth of disdain shown from this convention, where he fell asleep while cameras were on him, live during the event.

“This is exactly the type of hold no prisoners fuck you attitude that we love so much, brought to a whole new level” said vice presidential candidate J.D. Vance. “As an ivy league hillbilly from San Francisco this is exactly how I would poke the eye of the elites!”

“Some of us worried he might get soft with this talk of unity” said Mark Robinson of North Carolina. “We had to intensify the hate, boo Mitch McConnel and any mention of Nikki Haley to prove our unity. Yet Trump out did us all with his low energy uncaring attitude. He could not even be bothered to remain conscious at his own convention.”

Although the press remained in aww of this singular event it was not the only power move pulled that day. Speaker Mike Johnson showed off by getting flustered when the teleprompter turned off, causing him to forget the name of the former attorney general he was introducing. Instead, he had the fortitude to run off stage in vain.

“Biden could never pull such a move” bragged Johnson. “If he stuttered for even a moment the press would be on him for a month straight. That is the power that the RNC represents, that people as petty and incompetent as me can get away with selling America to dictators, while he cannot even get away with stuttering.”