Democrats Unanimously Divided on Not Voting for a Republican to Savage Their Agenda
Washington, DC – Congress remained deadlocked as Democrats in disarray continued to vote for one of their own as speaker. In a divided vote of unanimous support, Democrats refused to vote for a Republican speaker to savage their economic and moral imperatives. The situation has remained so strained that Republicans, in charge of the house, have come together to demand action from House Democrats in the minority.
“The world is in crisis, Israel and Gaza have been turned into combat zones, Russian troops remain in Ukraine, and a government shutdown is less than a month away,” said Republican congressman Paul Gosar. “Democrats need to put aside their differences, come together, and elect one of us to wreak havoc on all their hopes, dreams, and budgetary concerns. Their unity in wishing for a funded government, recognized democratic elections, a more equal society, and bipartisanship, is tearing this nation apart.”
Paul Gosar referred to the speaker fight, where the speaker of the house has remained vacant for nearly a month. The vacancy began when Paul Gosar himself voted with Matt Gaetz to remove the speaker of the house on Oct. 3rd. Since that day Republicans have been unable to find a candidate who can be elected with only Republican support while continuing the tradition of ‘owning the libs,’ a prerequisite for any Republican to stay in the party.
Kevin McCarthy spoke on the subject “I went to the Democrats and said ‘look, I know I am not your friend. I spent the weekend calling all of you groomers, and communists while reneging on my last promise. I will be honest; I hate you guys, will offer no concessions, and would let the Jan. 6th rioters slit your throat in a heartbeat, but you better vote for me. To my shock, they voted for Hakeem Jeffries. How could Democrats divide our nation like that?”
“The things McCarthy said may have been hurtful” admitted political correspondent Reggie Hartman. “Democrats should get over it though. As a Republican consultant, I am in a good place to give Democrats advice. They should put their feelings aside so they can elect a Republican to gut the budget and make damaging decisions. It hurts the nation for them to be holding up the process. Just because McCarthy called them pedophiles and spit in their face, is no excuse to be mean to him. He does not think they are pedophiles; it is just the signal he has to give to the constituents who think all gays should be lynched. It is just the way the game is played and Democrats refusal to get over it is dividing the nation.”
Nancy Mace advised the same “this whole speakership battle has been very frustrating. Jim Jordan had a simple plan to pass a budget. It was having all opponents lie down and give him everything he wanted, after which he would come up with what he wanted. We cannot get there if Democrats greedily refuse to lie down to our demands. It is a major issue for us as our ideas are so unpopular, they cannot be discussed until Democrats take credit for them, by ceding to our every demand. We need unity.”
Despite these warnings, Democrats remain divided on their unanimous support for Hakeem Jeffries as speaker of the house. Jeffries said “if Republicans want to move forward, they should consider working in a coalition with us. We are not looking at much, just a budget to retain our strong economic growth and a defense bill for the safety and stability of the world around us. All things Republicans pretend to want but won’t vote for.”
When asked about working with Democrats on a shared agenda for the good of the country, Kevin McCarthy sneered. “We need Democrats to vote for us because our handlers will never allow us to vote for a bill Democrats will vote for.”
