FBI Statistics Show White House Crime Rate Dropped by 98% Since Biden Took Office

Washington, DC – The 2024 election was jolted by a new study from the federal bureau of investigations showing White House crime to have dropped by 98% since Joe Biden took office. This spells bad news for the Biden campaign as Republicans have begun attacking him as too weak to commit crimes.

“We might have been down a full 99 or 100 percent” said press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. “But the Bureau felt the need to count the office supplies brought home by Secretary Buttigieg.”

The office supply scandal involved Secretary Pete’s love of fountain pens, spurred the White House’s only guilty plea, a $14 fee paid by the secretary, and a 12 episode Fox News series sensationalizing the affair. The statistics get even worse for the president when you realize it is not merely White House crime but all crime that has dropped below pre-pandemic levels with a 20% year on year drop in the homicide rate.

Trump took to the airwaves to call Biden as too much of a wimp to commit crimes. “When I was president we had the highest crime, the best crime. I have even helped Biden keep those numbers up by committing over 91 felonies in a single year. Yet Sleepy Joe Biden is continuing to let these great numbers fall!”

Meanwhile, Joe Biden seemed to exhibit few concerns about the relative crime problem, even playing as a strength.

“The drop in crime is merely a sign of success having moved out of the pandemic into a growing economy with more opportunity for all. If people really miss the high crime rates I welcome them to move to states like Texas, Mississippi, and Louisiana where they remain persistently high in part due to their lawless red state governments.”