Nikki Haley Clarifies that Trump is a “Dangerous Criminal Sociopath Unfit for Office Who I Support as President”

Columbia, SC – Following months of speculation from the media, Nikki Haley came forward to endorse president Donald Trump. Social media across the nation tuned in to feign surprise and express outrage after her accurate portrayal of Trump as a treasonous Putin admirer during the campaign. Haley spoke Thursday to defend herself and clarify her stance to the public.

“Yes, I accused Trump of treason for promising Ukraine to Putin, Taiwan to Xi Jinping, and California to Kim Jung Un. I even accused him of being a rapist and attacking the very soul of America” said Haley. “But what do you expect me to do? Say no like all those women he allegedly had sex with? What do you think I am? An America loving Democrat?”

Although not unusual for a primary loser to endorse the winner it has come under some duress due to the nasty tone of the Republican Primary. Haley accused Trump of wishing to sell out America and destroy Democracy, whereas Trump claimed Haley was a potty mouth and that all her donors would be banned from his super-secret treehouse. These primary antics are not without precedence. In 2016 Ted Cruz also endorsed Trump despite similar primary slander.

“Trump called me a cuck, suggested my wife was too ugly to sleep with, and asked who really fathered my children” said Ted Cruz. “My wife did not want me to endorse Trump without an apology, but do you think I would listen to a woman over the president? No, I am not a Democrat.”

Meanwhile, the Biden campaign has used this as an opportunity to court many dissatisfied Haley voters.

“I was able to meet with many of the organizers and donors in the Haley campaign” said Joe Biden. “I told them that in a democracy we will always protect our people, giving them a safe space from tyrants. They may not like my liberal economic policy but I reminded them it comes with the most aggressive economic growth since the New Deal, one country for all people!”