If we Come Together, Cooperate, and Get Along Then We Can Burn This Mother to the Ground! – Kevin McCarthy
Times are tough, I am not going to lie about it. My caucus is not respecting me, and my party won’t hold together or move forward. I have a very simple message to those in the freedom caucus, one of unity, one of a better future, one of hope. That message is that if we come together, cooperate, and get along, then we can burn this mother to the ground!
You see, these new members of congress, they have become a real thorn in my side. Their heart is in the right place, like me they want to savage the budget, destroy the safety net, rip apart the infrastructure and bring in the Russians. The thing is, they want it all now. You know, I have been trying to say they need to do it with a bit of finesse. You cannot just say “that is it, I want government gone, Trump instated as dictator, and all brown skinned people in Mexico.” No, that won’t do. First you need budget breaking cuts, the ones that leave people destitute on the street, brings back poverty, makes the American people desperate and then you blame the Democrats. Once that happens, they are sure to bring you back to power. You might think that is cynical, but if you do it right it works. Lib cucks turn on each other while the media says maybe it is time for someone new and primes the audience to think maybe Trump should get a shot at the presidency, let’s give him a try.
It was all set up, 8% across the board cuts, economy destroying things. Not only that but I demanded the DAs across the country get removed from office so we can fill the streets with dangerous right wing criminals, along with Trump’s lawyers. We even demanded a removal of all weapons from Ukraine to please our Russian overlords, essential since a fraction of our military budget crippled their army. Russian media even praised me for snubbing Zelensky. All actions sure to create great harm to the country and return us to power as long as we blame it on Democrats.
But that is the thing, it only works if we blame it on Democrats. If we pass nothing at all, go on vacation and just let the government shut down, then Democrats do not get the blame. We get the blame, all because it is what we pushed for and our incompetence keeps us from hiding it.
Did my caucus go for my plan? No, Andy Briggs complained the bill admits government exists and Ralph Norman had to one up him to complain the bill considered existence to be real. You just cannot work with that. We had to have long chats, remind them if we passed no bill, then no matter how much the media holds our dicks for us at press time, they will have to acknowledge that we cannot even pass our own budget. We would get the chaos we want, but it would be blamed on us. It seemed like they were understanding the message, maybe I was going to get the bill through but then Trump came to social media and demanded Republicans pass no budget at all to screw Joe Biden. What foolish planning. How are you going to call it the Biden shut down if you specifically called for the shutdown?
What do you expect me to do? Work with the Democrats to continue government spending as if nothing had happened? If I do that the economy will keep chugging along at its robust speed giving the president a strong America and a big win going into election season. Biden would take credit for it, and do you think I can argue the debt as a problem when debt to GDP has fallen two years in a row? Yes, but it won’t feel the same.
Look, I get why Trump and the freedom caucus want to savage the country, I want to as well. But if we do not do this right, we get screwed. If we were as united as we were on January 6th we could pull it off, but now I am no longer so sure.
