Sen. Bob Menendez Caught Taking Bribe Despite Not Being a Supreme Court Justice
Sen. Bob Menendez, one of America’s many non-members of the United States Supreme Court
Washington, DC – Democrats and Republicans came together this week to call for the resignation of Senator Bob Menendez, D-NJ. Menendez has been indicted on bribery claims. On the Republican side of the aisle Kevin McCarthy R-CA lead the charge against McCarthy.
“Bob Menendez has been found with gold bars stuffed into hidden suit jackets and large quantities of cash hidden around the house. Who the fuck does he think he is? A member of the supreme court, an ex-president, or a Twitter influencer? He has not earned any of those honors.”
Senate majority leader Chuck Schumer weighed in “Bob Menendez has committed disgraceful actions and it is my personal wish that he resigns from congress. Republicans though, are creating a two-tiered justice system by demanding Menendez’s resignation while refusing to investigate other individuals who did exactly what Clarence Thomas did, such as George Santos or Donald Trump.”
Although the two-tiered justice argument has weight for many, Republicans do not see a contradiction. Matt Gaetz R-FL, explained it thusly, “it is wrong when democrats have this type of money. It is ok for a tax cut loving Republicans, they have earned taking a bribe, but it is a drag on the system when tax and spend Democrats are taking the money. The poor corporate elites need to keep their bribes in a Democratic society, where they live bail out to bail in order to satisfy the twisted demands of a civil society.”
The sentiment was not shared by all members of the Republican Party. George Santos R-NY, dissented saying “We are a country of laws and I believe Bob Menendez is innocent until proven guilty. This should be decided by the courts, a process that can take anywhere from 6 to 72 months, by which point I believe the public will have moved on. Also, I feel for Bob Menendez. Like him I am a first-generation Latino citizen of New Jersey who knows having a freezer full of gold bars is merely a sign of an interesting life, led to its fullest.”
For more on Bob Menendez’s position and options we went to political science professor Daron Bonfield of Rutgers. “As someone who is not a supreme court justice this will be game changing for Bob Menendez. It means even if he decides to stay, he will no longer be on committees, able to make appropriations, or have access to the DNC’s taco truck. Unable to make change as a senator he may feel the pressure to quit, but he could also consider changing parties to become a Republican. Once he is a Republican no one will care how corrupt or sleazy you are because that is just to be accepted. Elon Musk perfected this strategy. When he heard he was about to be exposed for sexually harassing an airline stewardess. He got ahead of the news, declared himself a Republican the day before the scandal broke. Not only did it mean he had half of America ready to defend his every future action, it also created an army of online fans ready to soak in the juicy detail of every sexual scandal sure to come out. We knew they would be weird, there would be lots of them, and they would be juicy. As a fan, I am glad he did not disappoint.”
