Locally Advertised Orgy Actually Just Three Men Playing Magic: The Gathering

Irvine, CA – Despite extensive advertising Irvine’s locally advertised orgy had poor attendance with just three men attending the event. However, that did not dampen the mood of the party’s organizers who broke out in their own card sessions. Organizer Fred Henderson had this to say about the whole ordeal.

“We were halfway into setting up the St. Andrew’s Cross to create the dungeon atmosphere when Tony claimed he had a new deck featuring Atraxa, Praetor’s Voice as his legendary creature. Well, I said get out of here because Tony never makes multicolored decks.”

The story was corroborated by Tony, who did not provide a last name. “You see I am old school, I always liked the basic decks like Merfolk decks, zombie decks, or the occasional burn deck. Those decks have not been fitting so well in the days since Wizards of the Coast released their legendary creatures. Fred and Nick kept making fun of me for my reliance on single color decks so I had to show them.”

It was reported that once Tony made this claim about his golden deck the shit talking started and the three orgy goers abandoned their activities to pull out a card table and begin their play. The games went late into the night, ending at 5 AM at which point it was clear there were not going to be any walk-ins.

“The door to the ballroom opened up a few times but actually it was just the hotel staff asking if we needed anything” reported Nick. “They made sure to take care of us, bringing plenty of water and fountain drinks. That was great as it was thirsty work, a long night gaming can really dehydrate someone.”

Despite the lack of a larger crowd the event was considered a success by all three participants who hope to have more such events in the future. Asked if he would change anything in the future Fred Henderson responded.

“Look, I do not know what else to say. I advertised on Craigslist, Fetlife, and Orgyorgyorgy.com. Its too bad no women showed up, their loss. If I had to do anything different though then I would not have pulled out my deck based on Yarok, the Desecrated. It took too many cards to build up the success combination. That gave Tony several wins with his faster decks allowing him undue confidence in his strategies. I am going to have reorganize some things in that deck, which has too many colors anyways, before another event like this.”