New Poll Shows Biden Leading Trump but Trailing 17 Fictional Candidates
Washington, DC – The Beltway Insider polling company released a new poll giving both hope and fears to President Biden’s biggest backers. The poll shows Biden with a wide lead over Trump, 48% to 43% among likely voters, but shows him down to multiple theoretical candidates who could choose to enter the race.
“Most strikingly Biden is down a full 17 points to a Nikki Haley who is pro-choice, pro-union, and understands the civil war” said pollster Dave Hanna. “Sure, that candidate only exists in the mind of the voters but it should worry Democrats how easily the presidency could be taken from them.”
Not all candidates see alarm in the poll. DeSantis campaign spokeswoman Cheryl Durins claimed it shows great hope. “This poll shows the concept of DeSantis, an alternative competent fascist, or a business-friendly non-robot human, has an 8-point lead over Biden. This is great news if you do not look at the fact that DeSantis the person has a 19-point spread against his perceived media image. Pudding-finger-DeSantis loses 11 points to Joe Biden. Clearly, we just need to work a bit harder on giving him human characteristics.”
As bad as these prospects may be for Biden the poll shows problems with both parties as disillusionment with the two-party system continues. RFK Jr. polls well before people learn who he is, but a more disturbing trend for partisans shows a non-partisan Spider-Man running as an independent with no policy platforms would garner 82% of the general election vote.
“It suggests Spider-Man could easily win the presidency,” continued Dave Hanna. “but it neglects two factors. One, could a James Jamison media empire attacking him relentlessly cause those numbers drop? Two, what if Spider-Man actually has policy interests? Policy interests tend to be hard to sell to the voter. Then you need to consider his rivals, the Green Goblin gets 40% of the vote. Sandman benefits from lack of name recognition and garners a whopping 48% of the vote.”
DNC Chairman Jamie Harrison could not be contacted for a response. It is believed that despite polling weaknesses Democrats have no plans to replace their candidate who has a feeble 80 point polling lead in early primary states entering this election.
