Now That They’ve Had Their Fun, Conservative SCOTUS Justices Agree to Ethics Code… for Winter Break

Washington, D.C. - Earlier this week, SCOTUS announced plans to adopt a code of ethics… for winter break. The attempt to appear ethical from the justices appears to be out of left field so Seahorse Shoe headed to D.C. to uncover what could have caused this sudden change of heart.

Seeing a disheveled Justice Alito heading into the court wearing a Hawaiian shirt and lei, we took the opportunity to approach him and asked him what changed his mind. “My old body cannot bear the thought of having another hangover,” Alito began. “I have been on so many free vacations this year that I just need a break; maybe a few weeks in the winter till my liver heals. I feel like adopting a code of ethics will help me focus on work and will give me at least a two-week break from these luxurious, funded vacations that have become so time-consuming.”

In the parking lot, we saw Justice Thomas loading both a taxidermied lion head and rhino horn into his trunk. When approached, he said “I’m excited for the new ethics code because I need time to reorganize my house. I have more big-game heads than space in the guest house. It requires organization to figure out, especially because my wife’s tin foil hat collection needs consolidating and I really need to get around to clearing out her 2020 election fraud evidence from the study.”

Inside the Supreme Court Building, we saw Justices Jackson, Kagan, and Sotomayor visibly stressed as they were filling out piles and piles of paperwork. “We’re very excited that Justices Alito and Thomas will be able to focus on the cases we have stacked up and will have less time to vacation to the Swiss Alps on a donor-funded ski trip,” said Justice Jackson as she wiped the sweat from her face. “We are just so behind right now!”

On the way out, we were stopped by a now-robed Justice Thomas who wanted to clarify that “every gift he took was legal including the undocumented cryptocurrency he believes is deposited in the internet tubes above his head.” He said he is very excited for the court to hold themselves accountable. “I am just excited to focus on working. Hopefully, Justice Sotomayor will now take her winter break more seriously instead of reading to children and donating to charities during the holidays. Outrageous!”