Rep. Patrick McHenry Seizes Stuffed Bunny and Family Photos from Nancy Pelosi’s Office. Says if She Wants to See Them Again, She Must Negotiate on Ukraine
Washington, DC – In the first hours of being speaker pro tempore Patrick McHenry (R-NC) made capturing Nancy Pelosi’s office as his top priority, seizing all possessions within. At press time he made the announcement justifying the actions thusly.
“I gave Nancy Pelosi a warning several hours ahead of time. It so happened that she was in San Francisco to attend the funeral of her dear and long-time friend Dianne Feinstein. Well fine, that is a decision she made and now she has to own up to the consequences of me taking her most valued office possessions. However, I am not a total ogre, I have two daughters myself and am willing to be lenient. I have the picture of her husband and kids she left on her desk, along with her granddaughter’s stuffed bunny. If Nancy Pelosi wants to see these again, she must negotiate on Ukraine.”
Patrick McHenry then held up a photo of the stuffed bunny in front of the capital with a noose around its neck to indicate that he was serious. “Nancy Pelosi can send a negotiating representative unarmed at dawn.”
Although the tactic is unconventional it comes at a time when conventions mean little. Most Republican congressmen voted to not acknowledge the last presidential election, the price of insulin, or the existence of their own speaker whoever that might be. Congressional expert Sam Willington believes this to be the best move Patrick McHenry could do.
“The Republican Party is deeply fractured. Patrick McHenry may be speaker pro tempore but that is hardly likely to last if he cannot unite his party. It has been shown that matters of governing do little to bring Republicans together. He had to fall back to the two things that still hold Republicans together, being a total dick to a well accomplished woman, and protecting their moneyed interest, i.e. Putin. Therefor, attacking Pelosi in a matter meant to support Americans greatest enemy is a win-win for Republicans. Perhaps, if McCarthy had reminded Republicans how much he hated female bodily autonomy instead of a properly funded government he would still be speaker now.”
Although the tactic has gained praise among Republicans it appears to do little to bring Democrats to the table. Nancy Pelosi confirmed she would not negotiate saying “Patrick McHenry should return the possessions as an act of basic decency. We do not negotiate with terrorists, and when McHenry is done with this charade, and ready to govern we enter discussions again.”
