First President to Visit a War Zone and a Picket Line Considered Too Bland for Americans
Detroit, MI – By any measure Joe Biden has been doing well in recent times. His presence in Ukraine marked the unprecedented moment of a US president showing up in a war zone, a powerful indication he did not fear Putin while demonstrating America’s allies can depend on him. Likewise, he became the first sitting president to show up to a picket line with the United Autoworkers Union. There he gave an impassioned speech about the importance of unions in building America. A strong sign from a president pushing for a labor renaissance, something appearing possible after decades of declining union membership. However, these efforts get little noticed by Americans preferring to see the president as a bland old grandpa than an active political mastermind.
“Americans should view the president’s actions and see a dynamic man interested in advancing the common good of all Americans, especially the working class who have been left behind during this time of strong economic growth,” said Whitehouse press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. “It is unfortunate many Americans do not pay attention merely because he is not the candidate who makes empty gestures like claiming he could shoot someone on fifth avenue and not suffer politically.”
Political correspondent Mildred Denison believes the focus on hot button dinner room issues and popular stances may be distracting Biden from hitting an exciting tone. She had this to say “Donald Trump gets red faced while spitting in the camera, he immediately becomes more exciting to follow. Trump’s rampant anger at anything and everyone really speaks to us and connects with our moment, one where we all want to be really angry but are not sure who to be angry at. Even those journalists whom Trump would lock up cannot help but to cover him positively. Biden bragging about a labor renaissance, or a more equal society with bondless optimism is not fitting of our time. It feels very ‘yes we can’ which is so 2008, so Barack Obama. It does not fit with our moment, especially when no one knows where Joe was or what Joe was doing during the Obama years.”
Whether one likes the advice or not it is backed by polls. Recent polls have shown a majority of Americans view Trump as a dangerous criminal and Biden as old, leaving them unsure who to vote for. Many of the issues facing the nation, and the differing policies of the candidates, are seen as secondary to Trump’s lack of morals and Biden’s age. Biden’s bland image only supports this underlining narrative of a kind, caring, and grandpa like figure that most Americans think of as unexciting.
The problem is so striking it has even seeped into Biden’s would be base. “I see why many people want me to look past Biden’s blandness,” said millennial activist Stephen Harper. “Sure, I see their point. On gay rights Biden is supportive while Trump and Republicans think homosexuals are naturally depraved people who should be locked up. It does not activate me though; gay rights are so normal I just think of them as mainstream. I really wish Democrats would stop expecting me to vote on issues and would just act fired up, in a burn it all down sort of way. Give me something exciting!”
One benefit to Biden’s bland image is the loss of interest from the far right, where even conspiracy theorists are losing interest in making up wild stories about him. Qanon believer and Republican podcaster Aaron Anon complained of the lack of excitement.
“It use to be that half of Trump’s followers believed he was Satan incarnate. We portrayed him as a man who ate live children in front of the illuminati on secret back stages. Oh, it riled people up as they expected hellfire to come down on the nation with a possible rapture for the ‘real’ Christians. Yet after 3 years of Biden we are bored. Speeches on policy, and a moniker Sleepy Joe has caused my audience to believe this president is just too dull and grandpa like to devour a live child during the state of the union. Not only that, but there are less global pandemics now than when he took office, causing many viewers to question if the horses of the apocalypse are still gathering. This has run havoc on my rating. We need Biden to do something exciting soon or I will never get my viewers back.”
