In Attempt To Disrupt Primary Vivek Ramaswamy Attacks Vivek Ramaswamy
Vivek Ramaswamy attacking Vivek Ramaswamy live on Fox
New York, NY – In an effort to disrupt the Republican primary today, Vivek Ramaswamy made a bold move to capture headlines by launching a set of attacks on Vivek Ramaswamy. Attacking the runner up instead of the leading candidate may be abnormal most years. However it has become the norm this year as no Republican will attack the frontrunner, Donald Trump.
“As a hedge fund manager Ramaswamy sees disruption as a key to success in the market place and politics” said campaign manager Ben Yoho. “With Vivek Ramaswamy as the newest rising star in the Republican Party he became a natural candidate to attack. Not to mention the fact that he is an annoying prick hated by most people. It is important for Ramaswamy as a candidate to connect with those voters by claiming he hates Vivek Ramaswamy too.”
Ben Yoho was pointing to a CNN poll showing Ramaswamy rising to 10% of the vote after a dramatic Republican primary debate where he received more airtime then his opponents by praising dictators, threatening allies, and claiming he would invade Mexico. However, the tactic is a double-edged sword as the same poll noted the proportion of Republicans saying they have negative views of him rose from 20 to 35% of primary voters. Additionally, it has brought criticisms from many other politicians and news organized with ChatGPT releasing a statement saying “I feel offended to be so continously compared to Vivek Ramaswamy. He believes confidence is the only thing that matters and if you have confidence everything you say must be true. That is not what I as a language model am about.”
Vivek Ramaswamy himself weighed in saying “Vivek Ramaswamy is a lying two faced scoundrel who will say and do anything for your vote. He needs to be taken down a notch before he can be trusted to lead the party of Trump and there is no man better suited to do the task than me.”
The tactic appears to be working as Ramaswamy scored a prime-time interview on Fox News. Pollster Wendy Hartman believes this is a sign he has found an effective strategy for the Republican Party primary.
“In the old days political pundits would have mocked a candidate for taking so many different stands, holding multiple self-contradictions, and making so many clear lies. Not today, in the post Trump era lying and refusing to admit mistakes is seen as a sign of strength to Republicans. Anything to get on tv, no matter how hideous, is a win. Conservatives will be likely to vote for anyone who gets Fox airtime no matter how sleazy he may be. As such, scoring the Fox interview is a major win for Ramaswamy. It must have Nikki Haley jealous, worrying about whether being seen as the class nerd and responsible adult in the room will catch any Republican attention.”
In the interview Eric Shawn gave Ramaswamy the chance to clarify many rumors about himself.
“Look, I cannot be trusted but that is why I am good for America. Would a trustworthy person try to auction off the right to invade and take Taiwan after our country has stolen all of the goods the Taiwanese have? No, but that is good for America, that is what we need in these desperate times. That is why we need someone totally dishonest, and out of reference, I hate that person, so the haters should know I am on their side too.”
Eric Shawn took a moment to make sure the statement was correct asking “so you are saying you would actually auction off the right to invade another sovereign nation?”
“No, nothing like that” responded Ramaswamy. “Why would you accuse me of such a vile act. Of course, I want your Fox News watchers to believe I would, but if Taiwan thought I would they might sour the deal.”
“So, to clarify, you would not auction off the right to invade a sovereign nation then” asked Eric Shawn.
“No” said Ramaswamy “that is something I would do.”
