Jealous of Protests at Harris Rallies, Trump Threatens to Nuke Gaza

In a sweeping, self-pitying set of remarks before reporters Sunday, Trump all but asked the assembled gaggle “what a guy’s gotta do to get a serious protest going on over here.”

At times wistful, Trump went over a list of what he considered a greatest hits reel of demonstrations at his rallies going back to 2016. “Remember that time I had those climate protesters led away to cheers?” he said, “Oh and let’s not forget that time I promised to pay the lawyer’s fee for anyone who knocked those protesters around a bit, y’know? I ask ya - Where’s that action now?”

“Now it’s all Kamala, Kamala, Kamala,” he continued. “It’s a joke! They think SHE’S doing a genocide? I’m the one who’s best friends with Bibi! I’m the one who’s gonna make Gaza look like it did in Lawrence of Arabia. Great movie, by the way, people say it’s the best. Kamala’s out here meeting with these people and they go and protest her anyway. Oh, if they’d give me the chance.”

“You know what I gotta do,” he mused at one point, apparently asking the assembled reporters for feedback, “I gotta do something big. Something that’ll really get their attention. What if I did the Muslim ban again, but this time make the Palestinians pay for it? Hmm… I don’t know, what about nuking Gaza? Okay that’s it - write this down. “Trump to nuke Gaza.” Yeah, I like that. I’m gonna nuke ‘em! You got that? All right, you’re dismissed - I need a nap.”

He then shuffled away.

Reached for comment, a representative of the Gaza demonstrators responded: “Protest Trump? Are you kidding? We could get hurt.”